People often ask what the easiest and most difficult things are about living in China. Here's one difficult thing I've been struggling with: body image.
The Peace Corps tells us before we arrive that some female volunteers develop or notice more intense body image issues while serving in China. When I read that, I thought, "What wimps! Who cares?"
I understand it now.
I've walked into dress shops and been told nothing would fit me and I should leave. I've had a sales person remove clothing from the rack to prevent me from trying it on. These things I could deal with because I knew they were cultural and weren't intended as a personal attack. But when what you see all day long are very small, slender women, you start to accept their image as the norm. And then you see yourself in the mirror, and wow, you do NOT look like that. And in your home culture, being bigger is a very bad thing. So what do you do?
It's not realistic I'm ever going to be as slender or thin as a Chinese woman: my Spanish DNA body frame and bone size aren't magically going to transform into a tiny Asian ones. There's a popular commercial for a diet tea here that shows a women stepping on a scale after drinking the tea; the scale reads just over 40 kilograms, or about 90 lbs. I'm smart enough to know if I tried to weigh 90 lbs I'd be in a hospital with a feeding tube, suffering major organ failure. But living in a society where 90 lbs is the ideal body weight? Not easy.
So, what do I do about this? Eat healthy food. Exercise. Remember that my body is a tool, not a trophy. (Unfortunately, we are bombarded with media messages to the contrary.) Try to have confidence in the things I can do and the reason I'm here. Avoid people who don't value who I am inside. Remind myself that if they printed it in manual, I'm not the only one going through this. Avoid mirrors until I can really believe all of this. It's the best I can do right now.
On a different note, hope my American readers have a wonderful Memorial Day weekend!
Rebecca,
ReplyDeleteI've dieted since I was 12, and at 60, I'm at peace with my body type, though still heavy.
I agree it's important to exercise and eat healthy. I also think it's important to find clothes for the body one has.
Like you, I am teaching in China, thugh only for the summer this go round. The women here are cute, but I'm certain I was not meant to look like them, any more than they're supposed to be blonde. When I want to find clothes, I locate my heaviest student and ask her to take me where she shops. Such people know the good places!
I have never thought about this aspect of being in a country so different than ours. This must be really tough for you (and others) You do have a good attitude though and it is good to be realistic.
ReplyDeleteOne of the hardest parts of being a woman is NOT comparing ourselves to others...at 41 I still have to remind myself that I am WHO I AM. I will not look like others. It is just hard with the media and all those flippin' People magazines I read. ;)
Have a nice weekend...take care, suz
Girl, very sorry you have to deal with that. Sucks because shopping should be a fun thing to do for a girl (but at least you have online shopping right?)
ReplyDeleteI agree you should be healthy and accept your body image and only change it for you - no one else, period.
Happy Memorial Day to you even though you are way over there...try to enjoy today :)
Rox, good advice, and I love that you ask a student to help you. Aren't students so great? They are always willing to help a teacher out. I hope you have a wonderful summer here.
ReplyDeleteBBS, I agree with you, it is tough not to compare yourself. It's an ongoing process. I wonder if this happens to men too? I don't really hear them talk about it, but that doesn't mean it doesn't happen.
Scarlet, I need to move to Miami! :) You bring up a very good point: every society has it's own standards of beauty. It's great to have the confidence to know even if you don't fit the "norm" you are still wonderful and screw the norm.
It's me-- yes, luckily I can still online shop at Target from here. I have the clothes sent to my mom's house and she sends them to me. Thanks, I will!
Thank goodness you're leaving these nobodies behind when you come back home.
ReplyDeleteThen what does it matter?
Those who love you, love you well and those who don't can go to hell.
Voilà :-D
End of Technotherapy.
teehee!
You are perfect! You are strong and healthy and you can do great work with your body. I know it is hard to focus on those things when those around you aren't, but remember how much you CAN do because you are not a small 90 pound flower. Would you rather be "delicate" or be able to do whatever you tell your strong body to do?
ReplyDeleteBe proud of who you are, Rebecca!
Hugs,
Debbie