Three Little Words, Two Words For You, One Word For Me

From Robert Frost:

"In three words I can sum up everything I've learned about life: it goes on."

In a few hours I leave Chongqing for good. (I'm not leaving alone; I have an understanding shoulder to cry on as we pull away from the city, should the need arise.) I'm embracing Robert Frost's words today.

To all of you who have been faithful supporters of me the last two years: THANK YOU! I could not, and I mean this literally, could not have done it without you. I can't express adequately the love and admiration I have in my heart for you.

And one word for me: love. In the last few years, I've learned that in the end, it really, truly is only love that matters. Most of all, I take home with me a lot of love, and for that, I am grateful.

This blog is not over! I have so many more things to share about my experience in China, things I am too overwhelmed now to write about with any sense of eloquence. But as soon I am settled at home and more or less awake, I'll resume posting and reading.

As we say here: 再见！

New Dress, Special Gift, and Buddhist Mountain Friends

I decided to have a traditional, formal qipao made for me before I left China. It's black with gold dragons, and ankle length. I picked out the fabric and the style and a local tailor made it:

And here it is from behind. See what I told you about my butt?? Oh well, I'll soon be leaving you behind, Chinese stairs:

The teacher at my school assigned to help me the last two years also became my friend. His father and grandfather survived the Cultural Revolution and have a collection of Chairman Mao pins from that era. It was important to show your allegiance to Chairman Mao, and one way to do that was to wear these pins. He gave me a pin from his family's collection as a going away gift; I was incredibly humbled by his generosity at giving me part of his family's history. I will treasure it always.

I went to a Unesco World Heritage Buddhist mountain site near my city. It was a very Chinese adventure! It took me 3 buses to get to the mountain top, and I was 'adopted' by an old man who was fascinated with talking to a foreigner; he even got on the mountain bus so he could keep talking to me, but the other people on the bus kicked him off so he'd leave me alone. It was such a Chinese thing, and something that would have freaked me out two years ago, but now was just what happens here. The old man turned me over to the care of the young guy in this picture, a random guy from Beijing who didn't speak English but spoke really good Mandarin (as they do in Beijing) and was backpacking across China. He was really cool! The two ladies are English teachers from a city southwest of me called Kunming and they approached me because I speak English. (Do you see how HUGE I am compared to Chinese ladies? No wonder I now have body dysmorphia from living in China.) They were so nice, and we all became mountain friends. Thus is the magic of the Buddhist mountain.

A few pictures of the mountain carvings:

My Favorite "Guess Where I'm Calling You From?" So Far

R. went to Tibet last week, and earlier this week I got a phone call from her: "Guess where I'm calling you from? Mt. Everest!" She was at Everest Base Camp, and China Mobile has a cell tower there. Now I can leave China with every experience complete.

(Have I mentioned I dread having to navigate American cell service again? I heart China Mobile.)

She came back to Chongqing for one day on her way to America, and as promised, we didn't say "goodbye"; instead, I stood next to the van taking her to the airport and bawled. It was really hard to see her go. Too many goodbyes these days! It's draining me. I cry a little bit, over something, literally everyday. I'm just exhausted. Sooo not ready for any more goodbyes, and I have some really difficult ones coming up. I have one more week in my city, then I go back to headquarters for a few days before I fly out. I need to make sure I stay really hydrated! 

I went to a Buddhist mountain this week. It was a really neat experience. I'll be writing more about it when the weekend is over. I need to download my photos from my camera, but I am just too tired to do it today. 

Back to packing. 

Smiles and Tears: My Last Two Weeks, Plus A New Video

I'm home from my trip, and it was legendary! I wish I could get more into it now, but it will need to wait a few weeks.

I'm fluctuating between being really excited to spend time in America with my friends and family and Target and lots of tacos, and emotional upheaval at leaving this place that has become my home, and the people who have become some of my closest friends and loved ones. Why do we do this to ourselves? I'm sort of on the verge of tears all the time. I don't want to leave. I don't know how to be an American right now. I'm afraid of not fitting in there anymore. I know it'll come back to me, but I'm as nervous about going back to America as I was to come to China. Human beings are funny.

So I hope you will bear with me the next few weeks. I have so many more things to say about China, I hope you'll keep reading for a while!

Today I made this video. Some of these pictures you have seen, some will be new. It's a nice time capsule of the people I've grown to love here in China. I hope you enjoy it. If the embed isn't working, you can click here to see it.

Saying Goodbye With My Favorite Shower Scene

I am heading out of town for a bit, not sure when I'll be able to post again. Let me assure you, I will be having a great time! However, I love you all too much to not leave you with a little yum yum.

I feel guilty for loving this shower scene, because maybe it is reinforcing gender stereotypes? But then again, the loosening of the tie! The wet shirt! The fingers in the mouth! His big, strong hands! And...now I have the vapors. Gender stereotypes can suck it. I just love this scene.

Have a great week/weekend y'all!

Seaweed Pringles and The Power of Cod

A few random pictures I took last week:

Seaweed Pringles:

Eating 4th of July 'American Potato Salad with Chinese Characteristics' with chopsticks:

The NBA is super popular here; this is a kid's team practicing on my campus, outfitted in Lakers jerseys. Licensed by the Lakers? I have no idea...but I'm guessing no:

Guy sitting across from me on the subway; his t-shirt says "Cnly Cod Can Judge Me":

Does This Mean It's Possible To ‘Manistrate’? Plus, My Favorite Chinglish T-shirt So Far

A few recent adventures in my Mother Tongue:

1. My friend G. said, “I demanistrated him. Wait, what’s that word I mean? You know, make him less of a man?” It took us about five minutes to pull it out of the deep recesses of our English brains: emasculate. But ‘demanistrate’ is so poetic, is it not? And I think if you can defenestrate, you should also be able to demanistrate. (Okay, I know fenestrate and defenestrate are not actually opposites. But still. It sounds nice.)

2. T.’s parents were here from California this past week to visit him, and it was really fun to meet them! His dad and I were talking and he asked me, “How much longer have you been here than T.?” And my subconscious brain said “Say wha’? That’s a much more complicated grammar structure than I’m used to hearing!” And my tongue said, “A year ago.” Which is, of course, not the right answer. His dad had a brief, ‘Oh, so you’re a little bit slow, aren’t you?’ moment I’m sure. At least I recognized my mistake right away and corrected myself, but I had to do it by giving him the date I arrived, which is how this question is usually asked and answered in Chinese. I couldn’t quite get my tongue around the correct English grammar of saying ‘a year longer than T.’ (Writing is so much easier than speaking! Time to think.)

2a. However, at karaoke last week, we did the full Empire State of Mind and NAILED it; you would have clapped, thrown roses, etc. So at least I still speak a form of English very well, that form being the one where they give you all the words.

3. This isn’t really a Chinglish t-shirt in the traditional sense, but it is culturally very Chinglish, in that it makes no sense for all of this to be on a t-shirt. But that last line is definitely my new go-to insult phrase: I hope my bike takes you straight to hell!

24 Hour Party People, Or, The Benefits of Low Expectations

When I was home in February, people kept asking me what I was going to do the next day. How should I know? It’s the next day! “I’ll decide tomorrow” I’d tell them. I think this annoyed some of them. Or at least, perplexed them. What happened to the Rebecca who planned everything out two weeks in advance? She got lost in the chaos of China.

Here’s a little something not everyone knows about Chinese culture: it’s very spontaneous. It’s uncommon to make plans more than a day in advance. In fact, a few hours (or less) is more common. At first, this drove me crazy; it felt like people were springing things on me at the last minute I was not prepared for. But now? Bring it. I’m ready for anything. Let’s do this.

Here’s an example of how things unfold in China:

1. Monday afternoon, I made plans to meet R.* for. dinner. After dinner, we decided to go back to her place. Around midnight, J. texted to suggest we meet for the lunch the next day. I stayed the night and took the bus home in the morning. I spent about two hours doing some work, then-

2. met J. for lunch. While I was at lunch with J.-

3. T. called to ask me to meet-up downtown. J. was headed that way to meet some of our other friends for a teaching meeting (which I didn’t have to be a part of because I am going home, woot woot!), so I went directly with J., hung out until T. arrived, went out for a bit with T., then headed back to J'.’s location. When the meeting was over-

4. we all had (an unplanned) dinner downtown-

5. then went to our friend G.’s house to play cards. Later that night-

6. I spontaneously stayed the night at V.’s (he was part of the dinner/poker group and lives near G.), then came home on the bus today.

And that’s how things roll, Chinese style.

One perk of this concept of time and planning: if things fall through or don’t turn out so well, it’s not taken as seriously. There wasn’t really a plan anyway. I’m often the beneficiary of low expectations.

I don’t really look forward to returning to planning, American style. You know, where you and a friend have to coordinate schedules and choose a time a few days (or weeks) down the road? That sucks.

*I use people’s first initial instead of their full name for googling privacy, not to be coy.

Friend With Boyfriend Characteristics, and Other New Americanisms

In China, it is popular to explain the nature of a thing by saying that something is ‘[thing] with Chinese characteristics.’ ‘Capitalism with Chinese characteristics’ is a famous example used to describe the Chinese economic system. So being the good volunteers we are, we have appropriated this construct for our own purposes. For example:

-“He’s my friend with boyfriend characteristics.” (Note: I love this one. So succinct.)

-I keep my extra bedding in a box; it’s my “linen closet with Chinese characteristics.”

-Because Chinese bathrooms usually don’t have soap and people just use water to rinse their hands, soap or antibacterial hand gel is “water with Chinese characteristics.”

Really bad attempts to replicate Western food or overly processed foods are “plastic with food characteristics.”

And so on.

Sometimes we even feel like we are now American, with Chinese characteristics. For example:

-Eating Western foods with a knife and fork and feeling really awkward about how you hold the utensils in your hand. And having your fellow American friends laugh at you because you look really awkward holding a fork.

-J., who is from Long Island and worked in the city for years and years, told me she had to think about how you hail a cab in NYC. She’d forgotten how it differs from the Chinese way. It took her a few minutes to remember. We often have these ‘forgotten culture’ moments.

-Adopting Chinese facial expressions and gestures of displeasure and using them automatically, instead of the American ones. (Oh, I should make a video about these.)

-The little daily habits we have picked up to survive here, such as pushing our way to the front of a crowd, navigating the insanity of supermarket produce departments (serious chaos!), letting people get really, really close to us, raising our voices in bargaining sessions or when someone is trying to cheat us, stepping over rotting garbage, spit bombs, and pee and poo on the streets, carefully navigating crumbling sidewalks and streets (some of us better than others, ha!), moving out of the way for cars and motorcycles on sidewalks, etc. We do these things now rather automatically. We wonder how we will turn off such behavior when we return to America. But as R. wisely said, “When is the last time you had to tell an old Chinese woman to stop pushing you in the back in the checkout line at Target?”

It’s almost comforting to me how adaptable we are as human beings in general. I’m sure I’ll adapt back. But I am sort of in shock that I’ll never again need my Chinese characteristics. I’m not sure how to live like that again.

And on that note, Happy 4th Of July! I hope you all have a wonderful 3 day weekend and celebrations!

Falling Down: A Cultural Primer

Several of you asked in the comments, or expressed concern, that no one helped me when I fell. So, let me explain that a bit:

Here, falling is losing face, so if anyone helped you, it would be like acknowledging how much face you lost. They think it's better to just ignore the fact you fell down. They're trying to help you save face. Also, people can sue here for personal litigation, and there are lots of cases of people being blamed for causing trouble. So people are reluctant to help anyone out.

It's the same if someone cries: you are supposed to ignore it because crying is losing face.

Face is such a big deal here, and most of the time, it's for things that don't matter so much in America. But they matter a lot here. So we just get used to this kind of treatment.

People also smile when they are angry. I asked my students, "How do you know if they were really angry?" They said, "I don't know, you just find out later when they get back at you or don't help you."

As the Chinese would say, aiya! It's very difficult to read people here at times.