Red Flags: those warning signs that the person you are infatuated with/in love with/admire from afar might not be everything you think they are//hope for them to be. It happens to both men and women. And it doesn't always mean this is a bad person (sometimes it does!) but it often means this person will not be a positive influence in your life.
I'll confess: in my past, I have been a red flag ignorer. Even when the red flag was flying right in my face, I tried to peer through the weave to the little dots of sunshine filtering through. Why? Because he was handsome! He was charming! He was funny! He liked photography! He seemed interested in me! And boy, was I really overlooking the truth about what was going on. I was talking to our Peace Corps doctor about the North American grieving process, and how little we are prepared for intense grief. When I was first grieving for my father, I was NOT filtering red flags very well. No one warned me this might happen. I figured it out on my own (kinda late, but better late than never?), but I still have moments of "What happened? How could this person who has so many traits I admire turn out to be a person who could treat me like this?" It was sad, but should not have been a shock. The red flags were there. I chose to ignore them.
So, people of all ages and persuasions: pay attention to the red flags*. They're your smart-brain's way of letting you know there's a problem. If you've gone through a hard time, forgive yourself for ignoring the red flags, and do better next time. If you've gone through a traumatic event, be aware that perhaps your willingness to act on red flags might be overshadowed by grief. I could type a list of red flags here (a big one? Dishonesty about things they are not accountable to you for. Oooh boy!) but that list would be very long, because we are all different. Trust yourself: you know what's best for you.
In other news, August is causing my brain to circle the drain. It's just so freaking hot right now! This coming week I go to Shanghai, so I'll be taking a hiatus. I hope my brain comes back at the end of the month!
Some lessons are hard to learn, but worthwhile just the same. I think the older you get, the easier it is to see through the b.s (red flags) and make better decisions. Have a nice hiatus...you will be missed.
ReplyDeleteSometimes we allow ourselves to get swept away by charm and looks and talent...only to learn there's a worm in the center of our apple. I hate it when that happens...and those red flags and our gut feelings are never wrong!
ReplyDeleteHave fun while you're away and we'll be here when you get back!
*nods head in agreement*
ReplyDeleteFunny how we wave those red flags away when we're not ready to face what's behind them, though.
Poney UP!
And then wisdom sets in with each passing experience :)
I have been (and still are too a point) a red flag ignorer. It is because of this that I usually get my heart stomped on more than once. I usually don't realize that some red flags have been waved until after the heartache sets in. We should start a support group ;)
ReplyDeleteOn a side note, Im through season 7 of the Xfiles and just cant bring myself to watch season 8 or 9. No mulder, no need to watch :(
Where's the fine line between noticing the red flags and giving guys a chance? I'm not sure I know the difference, hence my recent post. Oh well. I'm sure I'll figure it out eventually. ;)
ReplyDeletePS: Be sure to watch "500 Days of Summer" when you get back. It was absolutely brilliant. There was one part that had a split screen comparing expectations with reality. It kinda reminds me of this post. Our expectations don't really match reality when we ignore those red flags.
I had a red flag today. I hope I have the same restraint tomorrow that I had today.
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