When I first came to China, I was living in the aftermath of the hurtful actions of a man I knew. I thought his actions were my fault. And I spent so much time trying to figure out what I did wrong to make him do these things. And trying to fix it.
And my only regret about China is this: in all the turmoil of adjusting to China, I lost all that time I spent trying to figure out why a man would act this way. I know now, there was nothing for me to figure out. There was nothing for me to fix. And there was nothing I did that made him treat me how he did. Sometimes, a jerk is just a jerk. I wish I could have learned this lesson without the firsthand experience I unfortunately had; but, because that is not possible, I resolve to at least never forget it. Or let it happen again.
How I wish I could have experienced the hardship and turmoil of adjusting to life in China without his actions forming a terrible shadow hanging over me. I sometimes still fantasize about how much easier my transition would have been if these things hadn’t happened. I mean, jerks happen, but that was especially cruel timing! But the good news is, although I can remember feeling utterly terrible, I don’t actually feel terrible any longer. I’ve blocked how terrible the reality of that time actually was. Our brains are merciful.
Don't be like me! Don't let shadows cloud a great experience!
I always find it amazing how our brains (and hearts) will eventually let the hurt fade. Imagine if we kept that for a lifetime...not good.
ReplyDeleteJerks happen to good people...I have a feeling you will see the next one coming before it is too late.
Yes, human emotions are kind that way... most of the time. Just be careful that none of those crappy feelings return when you come back home. I'm watching! (( hugs ))
ReplyDeleteSweetie you should put that on a T shirt. "Sometimes a Jerk is just a Jerk." So true. the beauty of it is...sometimes a nice guy...he's just a nice guy:)
ReplyDeleteThere is never a good time for getting over a guy with his head up his ass. Seriously! I'm so glad to know that pain is behind you, chica.
ReplyDeleteJust think, you were in China at the time and not back home where he was...so that was a bit of a mixed blessing, right?
I agree with Modern Mom - that slogan needs to go on a Tshirt... and EVERY young girl in America needs to understand it!
ReplyDeleteBoy how many of us have been there... analyzing, and re-analyzing our actions.... what did we say... what did we NOT say... it's insane, isn't it?
A jerk is just a jerk.
AND... it's universal law - one reaps what one sows. The jerk will get a "crop" back of the "jerk seeds" he planted.
Anyway, enough of that.
I'm glad your eyes have been opened.
Moving FORWARD!!! :)
I think you had a great experience. Good and bad are parts of life. You can never enjoy life without the hurt and the disappointments. Life is an acquired taste.
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