Body Image and Female Peace Corps China Volunteers

When we join Peace Corps, we get a little booklet about life in our country of service. Our China booklet had a little blurb about some female volunteers struggling with body image because of the cultural beauty standards of China.

I remember thinking at the time, ‘Who cares what their beauty standards are? I’m 35 years old, I’m happy with who I am. Only really insecure girls have this problem, and I am not one of them.’

But, I was unprepared for the reality of living here.

Two years later, I still think I have reasonably good self-esteem, but it has been a challenge at times to live here and not feel bad about my body, or myself. It doesn’t help that I put on some weight when my dad got sick, the result of hours I used to spend running or working out now spent in hospitals or at his home. And not taking care of my health due to grief and worry. If there is any time in your life when you shouldn’t be concerned about your weight, it is when a parent has terminal cancer! But then I come to China and get told I am too fat to shop in the dress stores. I asked a Chinese friend to help me find a tailor to get a qipao made, and she said I should wait a few months until I am thinner. (The standard of beauty here is to weigh about 90 lbs.) Most foreign men who come to China want to date Chinese girls, and Chinese men are scared of American girls, so you are almost socially undateable for two years of your life. These things might start to affect you when they happen all at once. I was humbled to have to ask myself, “How good is my self-esteem really?” (Sometimes, not where it should be.) I’m on a program to get back to my personal healthy standard I was at before my dad got sick, but these things take time when they’re done right. So in the meantime, it’s a good opportunity to think about where and how I maintain my self-esteem.

We have a new peer counseling program, and the leaders of the program are developing a wiki page. They asked me to contribute something about female volunteers’ issues and possible advice, so this topic has been on my mind as I prepare my submission. I don’t know yet for sure what I’ll say for the wiki page, but I’m glad they’re taking the time to talk about it. It’s something we female volunteers talk about amongst ourselves, but that’s a small circle. I hope future volunteers will come to China a little more prepared than we were, with some good solutions for the hard times. I hope I can leave some wisdom behind for them.