So This Is Life

After the roller-coaster that was life in China, life back in America can sometimes seem a little...plain.

Not bad. Plain.

So this is life now: work hard, go to bed early, get up early, meditate, read, study, make time for friends, talk over the internet with far-flung well-loved friends, make vacation plans, work on art projects, watch Community, shop for food, do laundry, clean, Netflix in bed, cook, do all of these things many times all over again.

It's a good life. I'm adapting to life here in the American Western desert, but it sure does take some getting used to.

I've met some fun people here and I'm reminded again that 99% of people in this world are good-hearted and kind and worth knowing. I'm now able to accept I liked those not-so-good guys in my past because I didn't believe I was worth more than how they treated me. It's hard to admit that, but overcoming it has made a big difference in my life. Kind and steady beats jerky and exciting any day of the week. This is truth. The guys who have taught me this are decent, as well as sexy and exciting. (Yes, it is possible to be all three.)

Having said that, I don't think I have much else to say these days. Maybe it is the winter blahs. Maybe it is because I have been writing here for four years (!), and probably it is time for me to do something else. Maybe because this week, the volunteer who replaced me at my school died. (Very sad and tragic.) It has made me reflective of what my life has meant so far. And what it will mean in the future. My birthday is this month, a good time for a new start for me. I'll never delete these posts, because people read them and email me for advice about China or the Peace Corps and this makes my day!  I'm not sure what else I'll say here. But these things I've said, they were very important to me. Thanks for listening, and commiserating, and sharing.

Many of you have been silent readers. Thanks to you too, for taking the time to listen.

As we say in China, 再见！

Moving Forward

I was going to write today about China, but you know what? I realize my memories will never mean as much to other people as they do to me. And that's okay. I think if you've read my other posts, you have a good idea of what I loved, and what was difficult, about China.

Sometimes I miss China so much my heart aches. Sometimes I'm relieved to be back in America where I understand the culture (although this took several months-- reverse culture shock is a real thing). I'm feeling much more comfortable here.

Some big changes for me coming up. China did a good job preparing me for the rest of my life. It was a graduate course in flexibility, creativity, strength, courage, acceptance and doing things you never thought possible.

I read an analogy recently that made a lot of sense to me, so I want to share it: if you think of life like a river, a lot of us are preoccupied with where we are in the river: what we have materially, or relationships, what we've achieved or acquired. But really, what matters is the direction you're heading. If you are constantly trying to hold onto things that are not moving you forward, you are expending a lot of energy fighting the natural ebb and flow of life. What you hold onto isn't what supports you in your journey forward. But when you know what supports you, and you can let go of what you hold onto that isn't supporting you or moving you forward, you are more able to progress toward your life's goals and purpose.

So, I'm making a conscious effort to let go of the things that aren't moving me forward, that I am expending energy holding onto instead of being supported by. I wrote a list and I think every day a little bit about letting those things go. Some are mental, some are physical, but I am now focusing my attention on moving forward. So I'm going to keep more of those memories of China to myself, in my past, where they belong as a happy part of my life.

Ultimately, this picture is what China was all about for me: my students. I taught a lot of girls, and I hope they  know their education means something, that they have value in this world. If they believe that, I did my job. Based on the good hearts of my students, I have high hopes for the future of China.

Unexpected Anger at Bed, Bath and Beyond

So, wiser heads than me tell me I am experiencing reverse culture shock. And that it will fade in time. And this is supposed to be comforting, and it is, but it is also scary to me. Because there are some things I don't WANT to fade. Here is one example:

I went to Bed, Bath and Beyond over the weekend and I was just unexpectedly furious at all of the crap for sale that no one really needs for any reason other than laziness. You know the front of the store, where they put all the little gadgets and gizmos things on special? I was just disgusted seeing all of that, and sad, because I've seen firsthand the hard lives and smiles and children of the people who make those things. And I want more for them than to spend their lives in a factory churning out crap no one really needs. Some of my students work in the factories in South China in the summer, and I know some of them will end up there permanently. And they have so much potential! What would they be doing instead if this weren't the option presented to them? I am not against comfort and convenience in theory; I just wish we really thought more about the price in human potential we pay for them. Maybe we could do with a little inconvenience do give someone else the chance to live a life outside a factory, to invest time and energy in something else.

I don't want to become a person who forgets those people in the factories, and the price we pay for convenience.

Slumber Party Weekend, Plus the Awesomeness of Pulled Noodles

This weekend our Peace Corps regional director came to Chongqing in anticipation of the big meetings going on this week in Beijing, so several volunteers from nearby areas came into town to have dinner with him. A few of them crashed at my place. I'm not a woo girl, but, WOO, so much fun! It was just one big slumber party, and I love playing hostess, so I had a great time having them here.

Saturday lunch we went for noodles. I don't think I've posted pictures before of how delicious pulled noodles here are, so here goes. First, the cook prepares the noodles by pulling the freshly made dough like taffy, pounding it down, then pulling again and again until it strings up into noodles. It's magical. Here are a few pictures (notice the tables and chairs--these places are very casual):

And a close up of the dough-- he's smiling because he's shy:

The noodles are put into big pots of boiling water standing by:

And then the freshly boiled noodles are added to a bowl of beef broth, spicy oil, beef chunks, onion and cilantro:

Not very healthy, but delicious!

Random Eclipses Are My Life Now, Plus Food and T-Shirt Pics

Yesterday there was another eclipse here; I had no idea it would be happening, so it was quite random to look up in the sky and see the moon partially blocking out the sun. R. and I were on the bus going to meet up with folks for dinner, and I noticed people along the side of the road taking cell phone pics of the sky. I thought maybe a new building had been lit up or something. Then we happened to pass empty air space and see it, briefly, mostly obscured by smog of course. It was pretty neat, and pretty random. But too many buildings and too much smog, so no pics this time. It didn't get fully dark or cold like the full eclipse last summer, though, which is still one of the coolest things I have ever witnessed.

I thought you might like to see one of the Chinese dishes I make here for myself. This dish is chicken, tiger prawns (which are like a cross between a green pepper and a jalepeno and I love them), green onions, garlic, Sichuan-pepper infused oil, french-fry cut potatoes and spicy chili black bean sauce. I think it's very good, and super easy. I've learned that stir fry is so popular in China because it uses very little fuel; small pieces of food cook quickly. For so long people have not been able to afford much fuel, so stir-frying evolved as a solution. Baking a potato or a cake is a luxury here, because it requires a lot of energy.

I leave tomorrow for training at Peace Corps headquarters, held in a neighboring province. It's a chance to see people who are assigned to other parts of the country, so I really enjoy going. Of course, we also have city pride, so we wanted to make a t-shirt for those of us here in Chongqing. I made this design in Photoshop and had it printed up yesterday. This t-shirt cost $6.00 and took ten minutes to make at the t-shirt shop.

A few in-jokes in the design:

• We call Chongqing "The Chonx." 
• Posh Corps refers to the fact we get hot running water, unlike many other Peace Corps volunteers in the world. (However, we also deal with psychological hardships they don't, but that is another post.) 
• 1415 refers to our program year designation: I'm a China 14, meaning I came in 2008, the 14th year of the program. The volunteers who came in 2009 are China 15s. (When I leave, I'll be replaced by a China 16, and so on.) 
• The 'yellow glow' is, of course, a joke about our lack of sunshine. 
• The gray background is supposed to be smog. 

I like making t-shirt designs, it turns out. I'll probably make some more before I leave.

I think I'll have internet access while I'm training, but I'm not sure. If I go MIA, that's why.

Hope you all had a great weekend!

Flushing, Queens (Again) + The Gift Of Options

I'm getting to that point in my service where people are asking me what I'm going to do when I get home. For those that don't know, before coming into Peace Corps, I had a real life adult business job, a real life adult apartment full of real-life furniture, a car, etc. I still have the car, and the furniture (thanks mom for your storage help!), so it's time to decide about the job. (I've done my Masters but at least at this time, I'm not going to do a PhD. Maybe in a few years, we'll see.) My goal is to be an ESL teacher, either corporate or government.

I've narrowed down the cities where I'll be job-searching, and I have thrown NYC into the ring. I always thought if I moved to NYC I'd live in Washington Heights, but I really do want to live in a Chinese community. So, in the near future, I'll be making a trip back to NYC for a tour around Flushing, Queens. I've never been there, and I have no idea what it's like. I just know a lot of Chinese live there. I really have to get a feel for a place to decide if that's where I want to pursue living. Who knows, maybe I will get there and realize it's all wrong for me! Which would be helpful, I can cross it right off my list. But it might be great, too. It's not trendy or cool, but for my purposes, it would be fine. And I bet I could find a really good Mandarin school there.

In February, I'll start putting out feelers and resumes and making use of connections to get my name out there.

My service is over in mid-July. I'll be flying to Shanghai to spend some time with friends at the World Expo, then continuing on to the U.S. I'm sure I'll be staying at my mom's house while I figure out how far away I'll be shipping all of my stuff.

Scary, but exciting too! I have no money, and no idea where I'm going to end up, but I have options. I'll be okay.

Bye Bye Bali, Plus Daily Life

My grandma is not doing well. So, I am no longer going to Bali and Beijing over my break; instead, I'll be flying back to the U.S. to spend time with her and other family. I was looking forward to these trips, but Bali and Beijing will be there for a long while. Grandma comes first. I am sure those of you reading can understand and would do the same thing.

Now, a few things to share about daily life in China:

1. Street cleaning trucks in my city play "Happy Birthday" in a high-pitched tone, over and over and over. There is also a techno version of Happy Birthday they play in clubs. How "Happy Birthday" became both of these things, I have no idea, but I never want to hear "Happy Birthday" again.

2. Overheard yesterday as I was walking home: a clothing store blasting "Jingle Bells" set to a disco-esque beat, including the phrases "Jingle all the way, oh what fun it is to ride in a one horse open sleee." Sleigh IS spelled like Leigh, I have to give them that. "One horse open sleee" set to disco is more funny than I could have imagined. I smiled all the way home.

3. I bought colored contact lenses this week. I didn't know contacts sold in Asia are made to make the iris look larger than it is. They look a little weird to me, but it's interesting to see the world in 3D all day long. I had forgotten what this is like! (I have glasses but don't like wearing them, so I've been living in a 2D world.) Here's what Asian colored contact lenses look like:

4. This was the cover of a weekly newspaper this week. American culture is so popular here, and yet America knows so little about Chinese popular culture. My students ask me all the time if I watch shows like Vampire Diaries, Cougartown, Californication etc. And I'm thinking, you guys know more about American tv than I do! (I haven't seen any of those shows.) I bought this to put on my wall. A little bit of handsome Americana is never a bad thing.

4. The subject of this article has been big news here. Before living here, I didn't recognize the various ways living in a diverse culture has affected how I disseminate and process information. I'll be writing more about this after the holiday.

I know the next few days will be busy for everyone, so let me take this chance to say Merry Christmas to everyone celebrating it! Hope you have a wonderful day with your families.

Ways I've Learned To Be Happy In China

This list might also be applicable to others, but I can only speak for myself.

1. Never be in a hurry.

2. Understand that public services want to maximize the number of available jobs, not efficiency.

3. Hate ice water.

4. Accept parasites and bad bacteria as a consequence of eating.

5. Learn to say "ah ah ah ah" in rapidfire after someone says something to you; it's an acceptable response to almost anything, and saves you when you don't know what else to say. (It's also a more fun way to say goodbye on the phone, but then it's "ah ah ah ah ah bye ah ah ah bye bye bye ah ah bye." No, I am not exaggerating.)

6. Forget the concept 'personal space.'

7. Push back.

8. The phrase "I have something to do" is an all-purpose 'get out of anything free' card. Use it without guilt.

9. Only expect to do one extra thing per day because that one thing will take at least 4 times as long as it takes in your home country, and you'll be too exhausted to do anything else until tomorrow.

10. Understand you will always, in every circumstance, always be an 'other' to the Chinese.

11. Don't expect anyone to multi-task on your behalf. Don't expect them to understand when you want to multi-task. It doesn't exist here. Real Simple, indeed.

A word about that last one: I was reading a friend's Oprah magazine (which I don't really like, I decided, but we'll read anything here if it's in English) and there was an article about reducing the daily stress of trying to do too much, and it struck me how much that is not my life right now. I remember feeling that way, but it has become an alien thing to me, this need to accomplish so many things in one day. No one here expects that kind of thing. It's a really nice reminder that I don't need to be Superwoman to be happy, or to make others happy.

Flushing, Queens + The Neverending Parade Of Cute

I'm finally recovered from the flu; I'm not sure if the Chinese strain is the same as the U.S. or Canadian strain, but  it sure knocked me out. I'm back to my old self now, though. Hope you all have stayed healthy, and continue to be healthy.

The last few weeks I've been panicking about leaving China. I know the economy back home isn't great and I worry about finding a job. But I also panic because I don't remember anymore how to live without China. How can I go back home and have no more contact with the Chinese language and culture and people? It has been almost my whole life here, how can it vanish into a black hole of nothingness overnight?

One option is to stay here and relocate to very developed and easy-to-live-in Eastern China (Shanghai!) and find a well paying job, which with my qualifications, is probably more possible than in the U.S. right now. The other is to seek out a Chinese community in the States where I can go to Chinese school and shop in Chinese shops and have interaction with Chinese people. I watched a movie here a few months ago about Flushing, Queens, and the large Chinese expat community there. I don't know much about Queens, and I had no idea this large "Chinatown" existed outside of Manhattan. In fact, I'm still not quite sure where Flushing actually is, only that it is in the Northwest part (I think?). (Manhattan is also an option, of course, but more expensive.) I probably won't do this, but the fact I'm thinking about it? It makes me realize how much China has become a part of my life.

And if you saw cute Chinese babies all day long, wouldn't you want to continue being a part of it too?

This baby was having a nap at the grocery store. (She's a rich baby, she's wearing a diaper.) Her mom was so flattered I wanted to take her picture. Really, I wanted to take the baby! (And I say that as someone who is not baby hungry in the least. In fact, I'm pretty sure I'm missing that gene). So I settled for a picture. I'm constantly surrounded by The Cute.

Camel Dreams

I'm up way too early this morning, so what else do you do when you wake up at 4 AM for no good reason?  Dream-shop online, of course.

I am so unfashionable these days, and how I knew this would happen and I was willing to be unfashionable for the sake of being in the Peace Corps, but still: sometimes I feel like a blob. I like dressing up and wearing pretty clothes and shoes; it isn't a burden to me to wear 4-inch heels everyday. So when I came across these two photos online, all I could do is stop for a moment and sigh. I love camel boots, how great would these look with a chocolate brown coat?

And I don't love living where I have to wear a coat, but if I DO have to wear a coat, I want it to be this one:

I want one day where I get to be "me" again, and I go out on a date with a guy I'm really into, to a place where I get to wear entirely inconvenient footwear, and have a wonderful time. I promise this time, I'd even wear the right bra. But then again, with a coat like this, who cares what's underneath it!

Camel coat, Martin Grant

Understanding Paths

In Chinese, the verb 'to know' as in 'understand and be aware of' is made up of two characters, 'know' 知 and 'way' 道.* So in Chinese, understanding is not just knowing, it's knowing the way, or path, to take. I think this is a really beautiful sentiment, as well as a very wise one. I like the idea that a part of understanding is taking action. Understanding motivates action, and hopefully, the right action for you. 


I'm trying to understand my 'calling' in life, my relationships, and my professional and personal goals. Maybe I don't need to be so hard on myself, that I don't understand it all easily. I'm still moving forward, which shows some level of understanding. Thanks, China, for this lesson.


*道 is also the character for Taoism, or 'The Way'

Daily Life Part II: Street Vendor Snacks

There are food vendors all over my neighborhood selling 'little eats' from early morning until late at night (or early morning again). Here are a few little eats foods that are popular in my neighborhood. (Click to enlarge.)

Mantou (steamed buns, left) and baozi (steamed buns with savory filling, right). Baozi is popular for breakfast. The pork filling reminds me of school cafeteria mystery meat, I'm not a fan. But I do like mantou.

Squid on a stick with lajiao (hot pepper) powder. Basically spicy calamari on a stick.












Little steamed dough baskets filled with pork-cooked glutinous rice. They are very salty, but very delicious! I can only eat two before I get full.

Shao kao (bbq). Veggies, meats, tofu and sometimes dumplings. You choose your foods and they grill it (what the lady is doing), then fry it in a wok with spices, peanuts, hot peppers, MSG, cilantro and chives (what her husband is doing). It's a great snack to eat when you are sitting at a beer garden at night, shooting the breeze with your friends.


Most shao kao places stay open 'til the early morning hours because drunk people like to eat shao kao.



Here's what cooked shao kao looks like. This dish could also be called 'iron stomach endurance training.'











This is a thin flour shell (like a crepe) filled with eggs, veggies and/or meat. Basically a spicy omelet wrapped in a crepe. You can also buy thicker pancake style ones that are filled pita-style with meat, eggs and/or veggies.




Well, I hope you've enjoyed this overview of the foods you can buy from street vendors. These foods are all available within a 1 block radius of my apartment. I don't eat them very often because I don't think they're healthy, but every now and then, they hit the spot. Shao kao is my favorite.