This Video Is Amaze-Balls

I found this link through Twitter; it's a short animated visual graphing of the rise of the wealth and health of nations over the last two hundred years. The Chinese breakout especially interested me; GuiZhou and the rural parts of China he mentions are where Peace Corps volunteers are mostly assigned; GuiZhou is the province just to the east of Chongqing. And yes, going to Shanghai was like going to Europe as far as wealth, cleanliness and public behavior were concerned.

If you like social science, you will probably love this. If you don't like social science, you will probably love it after watching this.

Moving Forward

I was going to write today about China, but you know what? I realize my memories will never mean as much to other people as they do to me. And that's okay. I think if you've read my other posts, you have a good idea of what I loved, and what was difficult, about China.

Sometimes I miss China so much my heart aches. Sometimes I'm relieved to be back in America where I understand the culture (although this took several months-- reverse culture shock is a real thing). I'm feeling much more comfortable here.

Some big changes for me coming up. China did a good job preparing me for the rest of my life. It was a graduate course in flexibility, creativity, strength, courage, acceptance and doing things you never thought possible.

I read an analogy recently that made a lot of sense to me, so I want to share it: if you think of life like a river, a lot of us are preoccupied with where we are in the river: what we have materially, or relationships, what we've achieved or acquired. But really, what matters is the direction you're heading. If you are constantly trying to hold onto things that are not moving you forward, you are expending a lot of energy fighting the natural ebb and flow of life. What you hold onto isn't what supports you in your journey forward. But when you know what supports you, and you can let go of what you hold onto that isn't supporting you or moving you forward, you are more able to progress toward your life's goals and purpose.

So, I'm making a conscious effort to let go of the things that aren't moving me forward, that I am expending energy holding onto instead of being supported by. I wrote a list and I think every day a little bit about letting those things go. Some are mental, some are physical, but I am now focusing my attention on moving forward. So I'm going to keep more of those memories of China to myself, in my past, where they belong as a happy part of my life.

Ultimately, this picture is what China was all about for me: my students. I taught a lot of girls, and I hope they  know their education means something, that they have value in this world. If they believe that, I did my job. Based on the good hearts of my students, I have high hopes for the future of China.

"The Girl" and Dr. Bronner's Peppermint Soap

In Chongqing there aren't many foreigners compared to other big, populated in cities in China. This led to 'Panda Syndrome': we were often treated like special pandas at the zoo. Sounds nice, but really? It's not. I learned I could never handle being famous.

One night a few of us Americans were having dinner with some Chinese students. They made a dish for us called 'hui guo rou' known in English as 'twice-cooked pork.' Someone asked what the dish was called and I answered with the correct name. The students started teasing him for not knowing the name and then one of the students said, "The girl knew what it was."  The girl? The girl teacher? The girl version of an American? The girl what? It bothered me at the time because it was a bit dehumanizing and I was fighting for every bit of my humanity, but now it's kinda funny. Of course the guys who were there started calling me The Girl. It ended one night at dinner when J. was trying to pay for our meals: "Come on, at least let me look cool in front of The Girl." I put my foot down, no more calling me The Girl! I hated that nickname. POSTCRIPT: After reading your comments, I feel like kind of a jerk for thinking this way!

Then this past summer when I went to visit T. at the teaching project, I found out after I left the students asked, "Is the girl coming back?" Sigh. So now I choose to believe this was their way of saying I was special. After all, I never heard anyone say "The Boy." Yeah, special.
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A product I love: Dr. Bronner's peppermint soap. I love it so much I packed a bottle to China with me. A little bit goes a long way; I had to throw it out when I came home, I didn't even use it all.  I have eczema, so I steer clear of soaps and detergents (whenever possible) that irritate my skin. I bought a small foaming handsoap pump, dumped out the soap that came with it and mixed up my own soapy mixture with Dr. Bronner's. They also sell it in bar form. The liquid version is very inexpensive because it lasts so long. $6 for two years worth of soap is quite a deal! It's a hippie soap with all kinds of kookie writing on the bottles, but it's a good product. I recommend it.

Quiet Time and Meditation

What do you do for quiet time?

I like my quiet time very early in the morning. In China I had the habit of waking up verrry early because the birds that lived in the bamboo growing outside my window also got up early. Older people did daily tai chi in the courtyard outside my apartment at the break of dawn. I loved seeing their quiet, uniform movements. It inspired me to find quiet time of my own.

I began the habit of sitting quietly every morning on my mat, thinking about what was important to me that day and what I wanted myself to know. I hesitate to call it 'meditation' because I wasn't trying to clear my mind, have some kind of experience in enlightenment, etc. I just wanted to focus my energies and be aware of what I was bringing into myself in the best way possible.

Now that I am home, I've had more time to focus on this process. I downloaded some podcasts about meditation that focus on breathing and relaxation. I've been reading a book my good friend J. sent me about forgiveness of yourself and others, and being positive. It sounds new age-y, but it's an important message. I started paying attention to the messages I send myself, and so many of them were negative. I've made a conscious effort to change that. I guess I always felt if I weren't really hard on myself, I wouldn't be a better person? I'm realizing that when you send yourself positive messages, you feel inspired to change things in a positive way. Positive reinforcement works with yourself, too!

Focused quiet time to reflect isn't easy. It requires you to give up a lot of your own ego. That has been the hardest part for me. Often I cry after this kind of meditation, but I think it's a good thing; it's releasing all those hard feelings I've had for myself and others for so long. If you don't have quiet time for yourself now, I challenge you to start taking 1 minute, then 2 minutes, and so on, and think about what message you want yourself to know. You are really smart, incredible people. I hope you all believe that about yourself.