I get this question a lot: "Are you so sad you have to go back to China?" Umm... no. I'm not sad. But I don't feel like I can say this (especially when it's family members asking me). I feel guilty telling them I don't mind living in China, like I'm a traitor to my home culture Those who have been following this blog know that this was not always the case. My first year was awful; I was very overwhelmed and unhappy. But somewhere along the way, I adapted and adjusted, and it became my home. I think it's wonderful that we, as human beings, can be so adaptable.
I've mentioned over different posts the things I like about my life there: the low crime rate, the fresh food, the exercise, the friendships I've made, etc. But the biggest reason is this: every day I learn something new, and every day is mentally and physically stimulating . I love studying Chinese because it keeps my brain working constantly in that environment. And besides the language challenges, you are constantly bombarded with smells and sights and tastes and physical challenges that remind you how much of your physical body is tuned to be aware of your physical surroundings. And to enjoy them. I feel *alive* in China.
Some days, it *does* get overwhelming. Some days I have to go home and shut the door and be done with China for that day.
But here's the other challenge: in America, we are taught that our culture is the best one in the world. So I feel guilty when there are aspects of Chinese culture I really like, because somehow this makes me 'Un-American.' I love our Constitution. I'll always be an American. My home culture will always be the status quo and default for me. But, right now, I'm enjoying this challenging ride I'm on. I'm sad to leave my family and friends again, but I'm not sad to get back to a life that, even with all of its inconveniences and hardships, I've grown to enjoy.
The two are not mutually exclusive. You can live in China for 20 years and still love America :)
ReplyDeleteI can understand your feeling here. I don't think you should feel guilt though....perhaps that is the American way, huh?
ReplyDeleteI personally LOVE learning the cultural differences you are sharing with us.
I dont know if we are taught America culture is the best. To me America is the most open society and culture that accepts very well. Just my opinion.
ReplyDeleteYou seem flexible and open to learning. Thats the key to go to a new place.
Curly, good point of view, I appreciate that insight.
ReplyDeleteBBS, I've never been anything but an American so I don't know if other cultures feel as much guilt, but yes, we do love guilt. I've got a few more to share, I'm glad you like them! I like learning them, too.
Yrautca, I see what you're saying. I'm glad you share your opinion. I guess I think of those two things as a part of American culture. We do accept things and we have a great amount of diversity. I love that about America. I also feel, though, that do think our 'melting pot' culture is the best.
I think its great how adaptable we are. I also love learning about different aspects of the Chinese culture that you discuss here on the blog. I think that you have your heart in both places and you should.
ReplyDeleteI think its great you are going back. I think its great that you are able to settle yourself and make life happen where ever you are (America OR China). Its your life and you are living it the way YOU choose. So many people forfeit their choice. And they never feel *alive*. Hats off to you girl. I am very proud of you for looking deep inside to make the choices you do. And trust - its admirable. I like your spirit. (the same blood flows through my veins too!)
ReplyDeleteI'm glad you're taming the guilt and learning to accept that you now live in both worlds - and why shouldn't you?
ReplyDeleteNot to bash America (honest!) but it is NOT the navel of the world and NOT the best place on earth, just one of many.
Embrace your duality :)
I love adventures. There's something about the process of them that is terrifying and fulfilling. I did a brief study abroad in London, which is in no way really comparable to what you doing, except that I did not feel homesick once while I was there. There was so much to see and do and learn that it was one big adventure.
ReplyDeleteI felt guilty too that I didn't miss America more, but not enough to stop enjoying myself.
I am so glad you've found your rhythm and happiness. Here's to enjoying yourself some more!