Stress, Insecurity and Awkwardness: This Too Shall Pass?

It is harder to adjust to coming home than I imagined. A few things:

1. Reacclimating to American culture is stressful, because I don't always know how to act. And the cultural diversity I love so much (and missed so much) is unexpectedly stressful to deal with. R. and I have had some conversations about this and luckily I'm not just weird, it's hard for her too. It's comforting to know it's common, but still: it sucks. I'll write about some specific things when I have a chance.

2. I still dream every night I'm in China. My brain hasn't caught up with the fact I'm not going back to China. When this finally sinks in, I expect to have a little meltdown about it.

3. I'm on the road right now visiting friends out of state. I really needed this. Pardon my silence.

4. Some American friends I made in China have been very easy and natural to keep in touch with. Others have not. And without saying too much publicly, these categories are not populated exactly as I expected. I find it awkward and unsure to communicate right now with someone who was a really, really close friend in China. I didn't expect this, and it hurts.

5. I find it difficult right now to write about my experiences. Memories flood my brain constantly, but putting them down in writing eludes me right now. I need to give myself time and space to process what is happening, I suppose. So I'm trying to let myself do that.

6. One really good thing: I had a family reunion last week and it was wonderful to reunite with beloved cousins. It was also really nice to be with people who knew my dad. I love hearing my cousins (who are nearer to my dad's age than mine) talk about him. They knew him in a way I never will. And when I talk about him, they know exactly what I mean. It was comforting.

The Writer’s Club

A few weeks ago, we joked that we should have a Chongqing PCV Writer’s Club, in which we’d write bad/cheesy romance pieces, then read them out loud to each other a la open mic beat poetry night. Did I mention it has been raining FOREVER in Chongqing? It’s making us all a little crazy.

So last week in our downtown Starbucks, the Writer’s Club* had their first meeting. (I should mention, Starbucks here are almost like libraries, with sectioned-off rooms, long tables with study lamps for laptops, super comfy couches and lounge chairs, and all the free wi-fi you can handle. You can basically hang out there all day and no one blinks an eye. Also, they make all their specialty coffee drinks in non-coffee versions, which is great. I wish they did this in the U.S. They do this because many Chinese don’t like the taste of coffee. So, a caramel frappuccino will have whole milk instead of coffee, along with the caramel flavorings etc. They also have more teas on the menu here.) We each spent about an hour hunched over notebooks, then read our pieces out loud. Let me tell you, I don’t know when I have laughed so hard in all the time I’ve been in China.

Some were beautifully poetic, some were limericks that an elementary school kid would love to recite, some were hilarious narrative pieces. But the best part to me? Reading them aloud in a Chinese Starbucks, counting on the fact no one nearby spoke fluent-enough English to know what the heck we were talking about.

Language geek sidenote: it’s eye-opening the cultural knowledge it takes to write and understand parody. If any Chinese English speakers HAD been listening, it’s unlikely they would have found it 1/10 as amusing as we did.

I was quite impressed with the writing skills of my fellow PCVers. Can’t wait for our next meeting! I have half a mind to gather and self-publish our pieces as a keepsake for us to take home. For the record, I did a Twilight/Ninja Assassin-themed parody I couldn’t stop laughing through as I read out loud. I won't share the whole thing here, but I will say that one of the lines was, "Need an umbrella, baby? Or do you want more Rain?" ('Rain' of course being the cute Korean star of Ninja Assassin. Now you know why I couldn't stop laughing!)

And yes, when you’re a poor American living in China, this is the sort of thing you find very entertaining. I know you all envy my glamorous life!

*We actually gave it another name, but this is a public blog, so I’m calling it this publicly.

Chinglish Notebooks, Plus Time and Happiness

I love the notebooks in China. I don't know why, but almost all of them have some kind of Chinglish phrase on the cover. Here are a few I saw in a school supply shop near my campus:

I love the 'My baby grows up in this way' tagline:

For when you need to announce your life strategy: 'I never really try to be positive.'

Nothing says 'Season's Greeting' like a stack of folded towels. Btw, a candle that close to the towels is a fire hazard.

'Goes the sound which the balcony listens to spend.' HUH?

No really, I love these. But this one is still my all time favorite:

In other news, I have to go out of town to this weekend for a medical test. I have two spots on my back that keep scabbing over and won't heal, so I have to get them checked out. Sunshine, I love you so much, why do you hurt me like this?

And in still further news, I only have 9 months left in China. 9 months! Where has the time gone? I feel like I have survived a lot the past few years: my dad's cancer and death, the guy who crushed me, and just the experience of living here in China. I almost feel like because I survived these things so close together, and can still smile, I can survive anything. (I don't want to test that theory, though!) I hope the next few years bring more joy than sorrow. Pretty please, with sugar on top?

Reminders

I had a blog that I kept for my family when I lived in Texas, and my dad used to leave comments on it. After he died, I couldn't bear to delete the blog, but I couldn't bear to write on it anymore, either. Too many memories. I still have the blog, but it's set to private. Sometimes I still go and read his comments, even though reading them makes me sad. I really miss him.