The Writer’s Club

A few weeks ago, we joked that we should have a Chongqing PCV Writer’s Club, in which we’d write bad/cheesy romance pieces, then read them out loud to each other a la open mic beat poetry night. Did I mention it has been raining FOREVER in Chongqing? It’s making us all a little crazy.

So last week in our downtown Starbucks, the Writer’s Club* had their first meeting. (I should mention, Starbucks here are almost like libraries, with sectioned-off rooms, long tables with study lamps for laptops, super comfy couches and lounge chairs, and all the free wi-fi you can handle. You can basically hang out there all day and no one blinks an eye. Also, they make all their specialty coffee drinks in non-coffee versions, which is great. I wish they did this in the U.S. They do this because many Chinese don’t like the taste of coffee. So, a caramel frappuccino will have whole milk instead of coffee, along with the caramel flavorings etc. They also have more teas on the menu here.) We each spent about an hour hunched over notebooks, then read our pieces out loud. Let me tell you, I don’t know when I have laughed so hard in all the time I’ve been in China.

Some were beautifully poetic, some were limericks that an elementary school kid would love to recite, some were hilarious narrative pieces. But the best part to me? Reading them aloud in a Chinese Starbucks, counting on the fact no one nearby spoke fluent-enough English to know what the heck we were talking about.

Language geek sidenote: it’s eye-opening the cultural knowledge it takes to write and understand parody. If any Chinese English speakers HAD been listening, it’s unlikely they would have found it 1/10 as amusing as we did.

I was quite impressed with the writing skills of my fellow PCVers. Can’t wait for our next meeting! I have half a mind to gather and self-publish our pieces as a keepsake for us to take home. For the record, I did a Twilight/Ninja Assassin-themed parody I couldn’t stop laughing through as I read out loud. I won't share the whole thing here, but I will say that one of the lines was, "Need an umbrella, baby? Or do you want more Rain?" ('Rain' of course being the cute Korean star of Ninja Assassin. Now you know why I couldn't stop laughing!)

And yes, when you’re a poor American living in China, this is the sort of thing you find very entertaining. I know you all envy my glamorous life!

*We actually gave it another name, but this is a public blog, so I’m calling it this publicly.

Stuff I’ve Learned

1. Any food you eat in bed tastes exponentially better.

2. It’s okay to admit you hate camping. When I was younger, I sort of made myself believe I liked the outdoors because most of the guys I was interested in were mountain men on the side. The truth is, I like hot showers and seafood buffets and soft hotel beds, so sue me!  On the plus side, when you admit that out loud, you find the people who feel the same way. Amazing.

3. Something more expensive that will last over time is a much better deal than cheaper and easily broken. This is especially true of shoes and appliances.

4. The question is not “Are you single?” The question should be: “Are there any girls who you know think they’re your girlfriend?”

5. Sometimes what is holding us back is the fear of our own success, either because we don’t think we deserve it, or we don’t want the responsibility that comes with it.

6. A guy who wants to help you carry your bags or pay for things doesn’t necessarily think you’re incompetent or needy; it’s sometimes just how he learned to show he’s interested in you. It’s okay to accept these things graciously. And to give back. 

7. A man who makes you laugh is 90% of the way to smoochville.

8. We don’t always know what people have been through in their lives. It’s okay to feel forgiveness and compassion when they’ve let their past influence them to be someone who hurts you.  It’s also okay, if the situation warrants, to not let them have access to hurt you again.

9. First Class? Very often, worth the extra money.

10. Cheese is really, really, really, really good and eating it while you ponder can help you solve a lot of problems.

Indonesia or Bust! Plus, The Wisdom Of Cats

If all goes according to plan, this is where I'll be spending part of my winter break. You can get very cheap airfare from China to Indonesia, and stay in cheap huts on the beach, perfect for someone on a Peace Corps (read: nonexistent) budget. I need fresh air and open space. Can't wait!

Also, I was talking yesterday with a friend about men who aren't fully honest about their dating/marital status. Reminded me of a guy I went out with a few times in Texas, I think Tony was his name. I went to his apartment once, for just a few minutes, and he had a cat. And I remember thinking, single guys in their 20s don't usually have cats. Suspicious! Also, he had the world's cheesiest flower painting on the wall. So I went home that night and shamelessly googled-- and thank heaven for Texas and their open records laws, there was his marriage certificate in all its PDF glory!  And no divorce certificate to match. Thanks, cat, for saving me from a loser.

(Interestingly, the guys I know who turned out not as solo as they claimed (all two of them) I have not enjoyed kissing. Maybe my inner-self knew they weren't being honest and tainted it for me?)

Sweet Touches, Plus Why The D.C. Metro Is My Favorite Subway

Chinese friends are very affectionate with each other. It's common for two female friends to hold hands while they walk together, or to put their arm around a friend's shoulder while they sit together. (I snapped this picture today with my camera phone when they didn't know I was looking.) And it's common for guys to put their arm around a friend's shoulder while walking, or while sitting together. The concept of personal space is very different here,  it's superclose. I've literally felt people breathing on my neck in line at the grocery store.

I haven't sat so affectionately with someone since I rode the D.C. Metro with a guy I really liked, just prior to coming to China. (I'm usually not one for Subway Snuggling, but with him, I was.) Although I always kiss hello and goodbye with one of the male volunteers here (he started it, because I am half Spanish, I think), I mostly just do the Western hug with friends. But some of my students have started using these little Chinese friendship gestures with me, and I think it's very sweet. I take it as a compliment.

"You Keep Using That Word. I Do Not Think It Means What You Think It Means"

It was Dragon Boat Festival here this week, so I had a few days off from school. (Most Chinese holidays last a minimum of three days. I know!) To celebrate, we climbed a mountain just outside of town, then took a very scary ski-lift type contraption back down to the bottom. Inside the little two-person car was one of the best Chinglish signs* I've seen yet: "No Smoking or Gambolling or Swagging."

Swagging?  Did they mean swinging? Snogging? Swapping? I really want to know what they meant!

Also, who gambles whilst going down a mountain inside a tiny tram car? The mysteries of China are never-ending.

*dead camera batteries, so no pic. Argh!

Rugburn, English Names, And My Broken Heart

I learned something heartbreaking today: John Krasinski can't dance! Para nada!  In this week's episode of The Office, he looked like an awkward 12 year old boy. So sad. And true story: I've never met a man who was a bad dancer who was also a good kisser. Bad dancer = bad LOTS of things.

Busy Bee Suzy asked me about English names for Chinese students.  All English majors choose an English name to use throughout their college career, and even many non-English majors do too. Their Chinese teachers make them choose, this isn't a foreign teacher thing. They often choose random words instead of traditional names, so I have students named Sin, Xanadu, Sunfree, Seabird, Jelly, Apple, Little Mosquito, Devil, Stone, Hip, etc. Some of them will choose a more traditional name if they plan on working with foreigners. For example, the secretary of our Foreign Affairs Office goes by Cassie and her Chinese family name when she deals with foreigners; her email address reflects both her English and Chinese names.

You must call a Chinese person by their family name, then their first name; it's a serious faux pas to use their first name only. But they know Westerners use first names, so they like to follow that trend, a sort of "when in Rome" thing. Also, they know Chinese names can be hard for Westerners to pronounce, so it's a bit of hospitality on their part to use an English first name when dealing with a foreigner.

But my first name is difficult for them to pronounce, so a lot of students just call me by my family name. One student tried to call me Rebecca, but it came out as "Rugbert," so the other volunteers started calling me "Rugburn."  The name is more interesting than it sounds!  I have no rugburns, I swear.

Good Kissers

I saw this picture today on the interweb and thought, "Mmmmm...he looks like a good kisser."  Here's why:

1. The hand on the back of her head. I love this move! Along with the cheek, chin, and hand sliding inside the hair on the back of the head; these are the sweet spots of a good kiss.

2. Other hand on her hip, no lower, no higher. (Good for first-ish kisses and public kisses, unless you KNOW she likes more in public, which I do not. So I like this.)

3. He thoughtfully brings along a plank for her to stand on so she doesn't get neck-crick. (Haha.)

4. Kissing her fully on the lips. I used to take this for granted, but you get a lot of variation with this one. I like a lip-to-tongue ratio of about 2/3 to 1/3 in action. So I like this.

5. A man who will keep you warm with kisses is a good man to find. 

 p.s., if you have time to think about any of these things during the kiss, it ain't so great. I'm just saying is all.