It is harder to adjust to coming home than I imagined. A few things:
1. Reacclimating to American culture is stressful, because I don't always know how to act. And the cultural diversity I love so much (and missed so much) is unexpectedly stressful to deal with. R. and I have had some conversations about this and luckily I'm not just weird, it's hard for her too. It's comforting to know it's common, but still: it sucks. I'll write about some specific things when I have a chance.
2. I still dream every night I'm in China. My brain hasn't caught up with the fact I'm not going back to China. When this finally sinks in, I expect to have a little meltdown about it.
3. I'm on the road right now visiting friends out of state. I really needed this. Pardon my silence.
4. Some American friends I made in China have been very easy and natural to keep in touch with. Others have not. And without saying too much publicly, these categories are not populated exactly as I expected. I find it awkward and unsure to communicate right now with someone who was a really, really close friend in China. I didn't expect this, and it hurts.
5. I find it difficult right now to write about my experiences. Memories flood my brain constantly, but putting them down in writing eludes me right now. I need to give myself time and space to process what is happening, I suppose. So I'm trying to let myself do that.
6. One really good thing: I had a family reunion last week and it was wonderful to reunite with beloved cousins. It was also really nice to be with people who knew my dad. I love hearing my cousins (who are nearer to my dad's age than mine) talk about him. They knew him in a way I never will. And when I talk about him, they know exactly what I mean. It was comforting.
Hum, good luck with all the readjustement ... I think when I get back to France I'll just eat REAL cheese to feel better haha
ReplyDeleteI'm glad you got to spend family time with those who truly knew and appreciated your dad.
ReplyDeleteIt sounds like such a big change for you, first to go from here to China, live there a while and then return. I can't imagine the culture shock...twice! Hang in there, Chica! You will find your way.
PS - You can always visit me in Miami and experience culture shock for a third time! :)
Have you tried a frank approach with your friend? "hey i miss you and life back home isn't what i expected..." - maybe breaking the ice would be easier than you think? :-/
ReplyDelete(( hugs )) bella, and one day at a time. can't rush life yet it jogs on by anyways so remember to breathe and everything will come in its own time, in its own place.
Time for Ben & Jerry's ice cream? ;-)
#6 on your list made me both smile and tear up.
ReplyDeleteSorry you are having a hard time getting back to 'normal'...I do hope this passes sooner than later.
Thanks for updating us...enjoy your family and friends.
Suz
So true....this too shall pass.
ReplyDeleteIt's so hard when friends disapoint us. Hugs!
Take your time, honey.... don't worry what you think "should" happen or shouldn't happen. Everyone re-acclimates at their own time and on their own schedule. Just enjoy this season in your life, even though it is a little awkward and weird.
ReplyDeleteAnd as far as the "distant" friend, she/he may be struggling with their own issues at the moment... you never know what is going on in someone else's heart. Just give him/her space. (And, even if not, I've learned that sometimes friends - even really good ones - can let us down - and it hurts. But it's part of life.)
Just remember that life is full of NUTS... some nuts have a little "meat" inside... some have a LOT of meat inside, and some... NONE at all. It's sometimes hard to tell until you crack it open. (Corny analogy... but it works for me.) :)
OK am I an idiot? I don't see your email address on your blog and I swear I have it somewhere, but can't find it. I wanted to share this article from CNN today, Dealing with reverse culture shock, http://www.cnn.com/2010/TRAVEL/08/24/cultural.reentry/index.html?hpt=C2
ReplyDelete