Traveling In China Is Fun, Except For The Actual Traveling

Thought you might like a quick peek at a Chinese train station waiting area (click to enlarge). No air conditioning, of course. I stood in line with sweat literally dripping down the backs of my legs and onto the floor. One nice thing about China: you can take a shower just standing there. (And I'm still dehydrated today; been guzzling water all morning and have yet to pee.) The metal gates leading to the platform are on the other side of the room, so I'm at the back of the line here.This was just one of three terminals in the train station,  mid-day on a weekday (read: the least crowded time). The sheer number of people in China sometimes astounds me. Someone here said, "There are 1.3 billion people in China. And by the time you leave, you're going to feel like you've seen all of them." Yup.

(Cell phone pic)

The Beauty of Red...Flags, That Is!

Red Flags: those warning signs that the person you are infatuated with/in love with/admire from afar might not be everything you think they are//hope for them to be. It happens to both men and women. And it doesn't always mean this is a bad person (sometimes it does!) but it often means this person will not be a positive influence in your life.

I'll confess: in my past, I have been a red flag ignorer. Even when the red flag was flying right in my face, I tried to peer through the weave to the little dots of sunshine filtering through. Why? Because he was handsome! He was charming! He was funny! He liked photography! He seemed interested in me!  And boy, was I really overlooking the truth about what was going on. I was talking to our Peace Corps doctor about the North American grieving process, and how little we are prepared for intense grief. When I was first grieving for my father, I was NOT filtering red flags very well. No one warned me this might happen. I figured it out on my own (kinda late, but better late than never?), but I still have moments of "What happened? How could this person who has so many traits I admire turn out to be a person who could treat me like this?" It was sad, but should not have been a shock. The red flags were there. I chose to ignore them.

So, people of all ages and persuasions: pay attention to the red flags*. They're your smart-brain's way of letting you know there's a problem. If you've gone through a hard time, forgive yourself for ignoring the red flags, and do better next time.  If you've gone through a traumatic event, be aware that perhaps your willingness to act on red flags might be overshadowed by grief. I could type a list of red flags here (a big one? Dishonesty about things they are not accountable to you for. Oooh boy!) but that list would be very long, because we are all different. Trust yourself: you know what's best for you.

In other news, August is causing my brain to circle the drain. It's just so freaking hot right now! This coming week I go to Shanghai, so I'll be taking a hiatus. I hope my brain comes back at the end of the month!

Family

The other day I was really wishing I could talk to my dad about something that happened here, because I thought he'd be interested in it. And a few days later, I had a dream I went to his office but he wasn't there; I left a note. I kinda like thinking that my dad knows when I want to talk to him. Maybe he gets the 'notes.' And since we both loved The Daily Show and Colbert Report, I still sometimes want to send him clips of funny moments like we used to do. I wonder if he misses that too.

I don't get homesick too often here, but sometimes I do feel like I'm missing out on things back home. My awesome step-mom and step-siblings, who have been so supportive and are good friends. Their kids are  getting older, wiser and more fun, and I wonder if the little ones will remember me when I get back.  I miss my grandma, who has health problems. Every time I call her, she says, "I'm going to try to live until you come home again." I always tell her, "Grandma, you'll live a long time yet!" But I'm ready to get on the next plane every time she says it. I miss my awesome cousins and their cute kids.

And my brother and sister, who are the funniest people I know. I just know they are having all kinds of fun without me! And my mom, who after getting past her initial concern with my decision, has been incredibly supportive and really made it possible for me to be here with very few worries about my furniture, car, student loan, etc.

My family, it is not your everyday nuclear family (whose is anymore?) but it is an awesome family, all of them. I love them.

Chinglish For Dumb Persons

From my city government's English page about long-distance bus service to and from Chongqing:

"The bus station is equipped with the bus broadcasting station, fire fighting machines, air-conditions, and x-light insecurity check system equipments. Particularly, the bus station sets up an information desk with English, Japanese language and the special terms for dumb persons."


True story: the last time I took a bus, the person checking luggage at the 'x-light insecurity check system equipments' was fast asleep. No one seemed to care. (And English? Not so much.)

Skate Mopping

I'm kind of a dork. Also, I'm lazy. I have fake hardwood floors in my apartment and windows don't seal shut here, so they get very dirty and dusty; it's dust bunny heaven in here, I'm constantly sweeping. Also, I spill things. I hate mopping because my arms and back get tired, so yesterday I thought, hey, my legs are the strongest muscles in my body, why not use my feet? So I tied the mop cloths around my shoes, secured them with rubber bands, and skate mopped the rest of my apartment. It worked great!  And for those of you who have kids, Tom Sawyer them into it! They'll love it.

Mops here don't wring out, they're just cloths on the end of poles, so I wasn't losing any funcationality doing it this way. I filled a large dishpan with soapy water and scooted it around the apartment with me. Like I said, I'm a dork. But like my dad always said, it isn't stupid if it works! I did my bathroom and kitchen on my hands and knees though, not enough room to skate.

Chinese Philosophy

This summer I've been reading two well-known Chinese philosophy books, Tao Te Ching and The Analects. Tao Te Ching is the compilation of the verses of Daoism (translated as Taoism in English). The Analects is a compilation of the ideas of Confucius. (Confucius didn't write The Analects; it was written by others who remembered his teachings, similar to how in Christian tradition, Jesus didn't write the Bible.) Daoism and Confucianism are accepted as two major historical influences on Chinese culture, thought and tradition. I didn't have much exposure to either book before coming to China, but after living here for a year, I can see the ways in which the ideals of these books manifest themselves in everyday Chinese culture.

For example, I have often wondered why decisions made by the government are not strongly questioned by the majority of citizens, as often happens in other countries along all points of the political spectrum. Well, both books speak strongly of deference to those in power, who are assumed to have achieved a level of wisdom and respect to make decisions for the whole. Children are to defer to their fathers, and in China, the government is the father. Social stability and harmony are of greater importance than the desires of the individual, which are assumed to be self-serving and should therefore be suppressed.

A Chinese friend here said once, "In America, it's okay to make fun of and question your leaders, but the laws are very serious. In China, it's the opposite: you don't question or mock your leaders, but laws are more flexible." I agree with him, and these books have helped me understand more about why Chinese culture has evolved this way. It has also highlighted for me how much of Western culture is influenced by the Judeo-Christian tradition; although it seems apparent to me now, I never considered the fact that we orderly line up in grocery stores and smile at people we don't know as a consequence of our religious history, but in my opinion it is. (These things don't happen here.)  I never considered myself to be a jingoistic person, but I have to admit now the ways in which my views were heavily,  even if unintentionally and non-maliciously, jingoistic.

In the moments when I'm really frustrated by collectivism mentality, the lack of my expectation of social graces, the acts that I consider to be social injustices, I now have a much stronger frame of reference for understanding and being patient with these differences. If anyone is interested in understanding Chinese culture (whether as a tourist, a business person, or a person interested in Chinese culture), I recommend these two books as essential reading.

(Translations in English of both books are available on amazon.com)

Friends

Some of my friends here that make my Chinese world go 'round:

This is my best Chinese friend. She is also my tutor, so you know she is verrry patient. I really enjoy her company, we have lots of laughs together. Her English name is Cassie.

Me and one of the new volunteers on a sinking ripe, humid August night. I read his blog before he came to China, so it was fun to meet him in person. (New volunteers come every summer, and because we serve for two years, we all overlap by a year.) I've really enjoyed getting to know all the new volunteers, they are awesome!

My friend Kristen, from Hawaii. She was smoking and our Chinese host handed her another cigarette; she thought they expected her to smoke two at a time! We're sushi, sunshine, and men-ogling buddies. You can never have too many of those! She's a lot of fun. We were team-teachers this summer for our summer training program.

Two other foreign teachers at my school; they aren't Peace Corps, they get paid a full salary. They're a lot of fun to hang out with for a chill-out time-out. They're from NYC and Missouri, respectively. This was at our rooftop 4th of July party.

Nikkie and John, two of the volunteers who came the year before me. Nikki lived about 15 minutes away from me and really took me under her wing and helped me learn the ropes here. I hope to be able to do the same for the new volunteers who just arrived. I miss her a lot! John is staying here as a paid teacher and also loves to shop, so I'm glad I'll have a shopping buddy here. John was raised in Kenya and Nikki's from Illinois.

Two of our new volunteers, posing for the camera at the beer garden last week. They are both hilarious and I'm glad they're here. It's sad when the volunteers you knew for a year go home, but it's fun to make new friends, too. Bittersweet turnover! They're from Wisconsin and Virginia.

The girl in the middle is Renee, one of my great friends here. She's from a small town in Minnesota and a self-identified hippie. She's an awesome cook, a very peaceful person, and a great friend. She puts up with my girly girl stuff and love of Korean telenovelas. I'm lucky we're here together, we have a lot of fun just doing nothing. We're the Seinfeld of friends, and we like it.

And my recently gone-home-to-America friend, Nicole. I cried when I put her in the taxi to go to the airport. Things won't be the same here without her. Nicole (and Andrew my co-teacher) are big parts of the reason I've survived in China emotionally. We spent many nights dissecting our China experiences, teaching experiences, dating experiences, and all the other crazy things going on in life experiences. (This is an old picture because I just realized we didn't take any before she left. Oops!) She lived in Africa for two years before coming to China, I can't wait to see where she goes next! A true adventurer at heart.

Well, I don't have a lot of pictures, these are the few I had on hand. I'll have to take more pics of my peeps here. They are all great people and I'm very lucky to know them.

Nipple Pops and Lemonade

I saw this candy at the checkout and had to buy it. It is a very correct translation of what this object is meant to be! I like how in English, we pretend it's something other than nipple candy. (It's a bit blurry, sorry, but it says 'Funny Nipple Pop'.)

Sugar is an interesting phenomenon here. Candy and sweet desserts aren't too plentiful, and I've noticed the Chinese don't have much of a sweet-tooth when it comes to food, but, they LOVE syrupy, sweet drinks. I'm constantly watering down juices and drinks. Diet sodas are not big sellers here, but full strength is very popular. It's an interesting switch from Western taste buds, which in my experience like sweets but not so much the syrupy, sugary drinks.

Here is the recipe for Chinese lemonade: hot water, 3-4 rock sugar lumps, a few slices of fresh lemon, and some dried red currants. It's very pretty in the glass and very refreshing. I've been told here that cold water on a hot day is bad for you, it upsets your spleen and stomach. So even in hot weather, you shouldn't drink really cold water. I'm getting used to hot tea/water even on a hot day.

The Wisdom of Male Selfishness and Crappiness of Women's Magazines

One of the new Peace Corps volunteers in my city was hanging out this afternoon in my apartment. I have a stack of English language magazines people have sent me, including girly magazines like Glamour and Marie Claire. At home, I didn't read these magazines, but in China, you read whatever English you can get your hands on. He started glancing through them, and slowly became more and more upset at the content. As he put it: "They tell you not to be insecure, but then tell you all these ways you're not good enough. How can they tell you you're not good enough, but then tell you not to be insecure! This doesn't make any sense!" It was kind of endearing how upset he was getting. He really cared that women were getting these bad messages about their self-worth. I had thought this in the past about these magazines, but thought maybe I was being overly-sensitive. They're so popular, after all.

He also pointed out: "How come they talk about men so much in this woman's magazine? It's all about how to get men to like you. Men's magazines don't talk about how to get a woman to like you. I guess we're pretty selfish, but we don't really care about how to get a woman to like us, we just think they will." (And by 'like" he meant 'having feelings for' not 'sleep with'.) And okay, this is just one guy's opinion, but he's a cool guy and a manly man (and comes from a family of all boys) so I trust him on the "maybe we're just selfish, but we already think they'll like us" message. And actually, I think that's kind of awesome! And he's right: women's magazines are crap. As he put it, "I'm a dude, and even I can see they're sending a bad message. I don't even know how else to describe it except to say "I'm a dude", that's how much of a dude I am."

(He also said the men's quiz reporting only 67% of men measure their penis is a big, fat lie. But I kinda already knew that.)

The Bra Strap Triangulation

As soon as I discovered my bra had removable straps, I knew the next step would be losing one of 'em. Sure enough, a strap went MIA only the second time I took them off. Bra straps are my new bobby pins! Luckily it's fashionable right now in China to have fancy, exposed bra straps, so I went across the street to the accessories store and bought these as replacements (along with a clear set):

(Perhaps these are also now fashionable in the U.S.? I'm not keeping up on the home trends very well.)

It's one of the dichotomies of life in China: a very conservative culture in which it's completely acceptable for your bra and panties to show through your clothes. And by panties, I mean the 1/2-inch inseam denim shorts in size -3 that are so popular here. They're pretty much denim underwear. (And Chinese girls have no cellulite, so they look great in them!) In my city, a popular summer outfit for girls is denim panties, fancy-strap bra, long sheer shirt, and high heeled shoes. I cannot pull this look off.

They also sell bra straps with big rhinestone bows, butterflies and flowers attached, but they were close to $3.00 USD, which was too much for me to buy even as a joke. (The ones above were about $.60 and $.20 respectively.) But you must have at least one set of Hello Kitty. It's just a rule.

I'm Pretty Sure His Eau du Testosterone Works

So, did you know Mad Men Season 3 is premiering soon? Spoiler alert: nothing much happens in this show, it's a lot of talking, but the talking is really interesting and the 1960's clothes are fabulous. Also, Don Draper is hot in that 'you're-sort-of-a-scumbag-but-you-wear-the-hell-out-of-that-suit-and-I-love-your-late-night-shagging-stubble' kind of way. I recommend it. I bought it on the street for $1.00, but I think it's free in America on cable.

And in preparation for the 3rd season premiere, you can make your own Mad Men persona. Here I am getting hit on by Don Draper:

So realistic, you guys. I can't go to NYC without getting hit on by ad men. It's the hat and gloves, I think. (And I do actually own a hat like that, and elbow gloves. Definitely taking them to NYC.)

And you just know this guy smells like Indiana Jones in a suit: all man. Jon Hamm, I salute you. (And yes, I miss big, strong American men, why do you ask?)

Women

A few people have asked what I think about the status of women in China. First, there is a difference between urban women and women who live in the countryside. I am more familiar with the former.

1. My overall impression is that there are many dichotomies in the status of women in China (and in American culture). Women have mandatory military training, but cannot be firefighters. Girls and boys have equal access to childhood education, but I overheard a female student say that men contribute more to the world because they can do things women can't do, like engineering and science. (Yes, that broke my heart.)  Women are expected to work while their child is young, just like their husbands do. But I think it's telling that the reported response to the high rate of suicide-by-pesticides in the countryside is to more strictly regulate the availability of pesticides.

2. My students tell me that especially in the north, women are expected to be subservient to men; in a relationship, if there is a disagreement, the man in always correct. In the south, I am told, it is the opposite: women hold the upperhand in the relationship. My southern students say they would never date a northern guy, and supposedly northern guys think southern guys are wimps. I haven't heard of a place where there is an expectation of equality. Chinese women are expected to marry and have a child; remaining single is not perceived as a socially acceptable option.

3. I'll never be as good a teacher or Chinese speaker as the male foreign teachers at my school. I am compared to them, not the other way around. Men automatically have 'face' and power because they are men. Women are expected to try and keep up. I've had to accept this in order to remain here with any modicum of contentment. It's not something I'd choose, but it's what I've accepted I will live with for two years as a part of living in this culture.

4. Chinese culture is changing rapidly. I don't understand all the changes, nor do I know where the status of women will land in China. I hope for the sake of my students and all the beautiful little girls I see here that they are able to live out their full potential, whatever that means for each of them. I wish the same thing for American women. I don't think the sexualization of young girls/women and the standard of beauty that is so prominent in American culture is a positive direction; it has been a relief to be removed from this aspect of American culture. A few weeks ago another American PC volunteer and I remarked that if the magazine cover we were looking at were an American magazine, her skin lines and tiny body bulges would have been photoshopped out. We were shocked to see a real-looking woman on a magazine cover. Sad for us.

Little Miss Jail Bait

I'm way past being jail bait (which, by the way, was what my older cousin David called me when I was 13 and I didn't know what it meant, but I knew I should be annoyed by it), but I saw this shirt on the street last night and couldn't resist adding it to my collection. (Although, Chinese screen printing is apparently only for A cups.) This isn't Chinglish in the strictest sense, the grammar and spelling are correct, but contextually? It's got Chinglish soul. It would go well with the 'I Just Scored' t-shirt I saw this week on a young teenage boy (!).

I wonder if our Chinese tattoos are the cultural equivalent of Chinglish shirts? Surely we've made a mess of those, too. I'm sooo going to tell people if their Chinese tattoo is wrong. "'Love'? No, that says 'rash'." What can I say? I'm helpful like that.

Taxicab Confessions

Part I

During our countryside adventure, two friends had a taxi driver try to cheat them by pretending not to understand where they wanted to go and driving them all over town to run up the fare. They told him off and didn't pay the extra fare, but it left a bad taste. The next night, I told our taxi driver I thought he was a good driver and had a nice car, that we were American teachers, that we were in China for two years, blah blah blah. I kept up a running dialogue in (my broken) Chinese, and when we arrived at our destination, he waved us out of the cab without letting us pay. I've never had a taxi driver give me a free fare before! He didn't say why he did it, but maybe taxi drivers don't get a lot of compliments.

Part II

This week, I struck up a conversation with the old taxi driver taking from the bus station to my lodging. By the time we arrived, he was my new grandpa. He even gave me his taxicab map because it had English on it-- how nice was that? It's an old, ragged map, split in two, but I'm taking it home as a reminder of the taxi driver who gave up his own map to help a foreigner. Also, the fare was 12 RMB, not the 15 RMB it usually costs.

Part III

On my way back to the bus station today, the driver was a young guy who had a CB radio in his car. We chatted for a few minutes, and then I heard him CB talking to another driver friend about me: "I have an American girl in my car. She can't understand Sichuanhua*, but she can speak Mandarin. She teaches English."** I interrupted him: "I don't teach English, I teach Chinese!" I have a very silly sense of humor that normally doesn't translate well, but he cracked up and told his friend the joke. We kept up a running conversations of jokes with the CB friend and I noticed he was taking lots of side streets to the bus station. When we got there, it was only 11 RMB.

Part IV

I think I've found the secret of taking taxis in China.

*Sichuanhua is the local dialect for that city and he's right, I can't understand it. He asked me a question in Sichuanhua, then switched to Mandarin when I drew a blank. Younger people can do this switch, but a lot of older people didn't learn Mandarin because schools were closed during the Cultural Revolution; they speak only their local dialect. 


**I thought it was interesting he told his friend in Mandarin, not Sichuanhua. Did he want me to understand? It would have been easy to foil me. 

Chinese Stew

1. There are no solely left-handed Chinese. All kids have to be right-handed. Some kids who start out left-handed surreptitiously maintain the skill and are ambidextrous, but no one is just left-handed.

2. My Chinese to English dictionary (no English to Chinese) is 2,139 pages long. If I want to look up a character and I don't know the pinyin (alphabetized spelling), I first use a paper radical index to find the pinyin, then look up the word alphabetically in the dictionary. There are often pages and pages of characters that share the same pinyin. It gets easier with practice, it takes me less than a minute now to find a new character.

3. The standard greeting here is "Have you eaten yet?" This is because for so long there has not been enough food. Being able to eat is a big deal.

4. Most advertisements for Chinese products have elderly people in them because in Chinese culture the elderly are respected and admired for their wisdom. The exceptions: some Western products like Pepsi, which feature young celebrities.

5. In China, the leading cause of death for women is suicide, and more women commit suicide here than men. Very sad. I'm racking my brain thinking of something I can do to help while I'm here.

6. The word for maternal grandmother is 'foreign old woman.' According to my tutor, this is because women are traditionally outsiders in Chinese families; she comes from another family. But this is changing in urban areas in China, where girls are losing the "outsider" stigma. I wonder if this name will change.

7. The slang word for girls who lose their heads over a cute boy is 'foolish flower.' Asking someone "What thing are you?" is a huge insult.

8. My new cell phone has Chinese and English loaded, which means I can type in Chinese characters. This is really helpful for writing myself notes of character hotel names, city names etc. Also, texting in Chinese is a good deal, because you only get 160 letters/spaces in English, but 70 characters in Chinese (the equivalent of 300-400 letters/spaces).

9. I've been practicing Chinese character drawing this summer. There is a beautiful yin/yang aspect to the strokes, which must be memorized and drawn in the correct order and direction. I'm taking a calligraphy class in the Fall on my campus to learn to write characters with the large art brushes used in Chinese art. I'm really looking forward to it.

10. One more picture: our fans crowded into the window of a beauty salon to watch us go by. (Click to enlarge.)

I'm leaving again in the morning for a week or so. Take care, all!